feeling sad and lonely again

House-and-garden IRL streaming mostly worked with a Wi-Fi repeater, but choppiness, overheating, and battery limits remained; Starlink seemed too costly. Recalling repeated conflicts reversed his Thailand nostalgia; he said the relationship likely ended because he still wanted to see Sunny. Streams fell to 80–100 viewers and about £10 over seven hours; with £10,732 still owed Mum, he began selling possessions.

Home now feels infantilizing and isolating; declining income, debt, and Asia nostalgia keep reopening his escape-versus-stability cycle.