Why I haven't killed myself yet

He describes daily depression, low self-esteem, purposelessness, low motivation, and recurring thoughts about why he continues. Sex, food, bodily pleasures, fear of death, and uncertainty about nothingness are cited as reasons he remains alive. He says low periods usually lift after sleep and remains optimistic that future happiness will make prolonged hardship worthwhile.

Hope, ordinary pleasures, and temporary relief currently restrain suicidal thinking, but severe purposelessness remains persistent.