All Alone on Christmas again...

Christmas in Thailand felt empty; he visited Chinatown/Asiatique with his girlfriend, then prepared for Vietnam and worried about re-entry. He says the relationship stabilizes him but hides his real name, marriage, channel, OnlyFans, and exes while contemplating leaving. He spent about £8,000 in three months while earning $1,700–1,800 monthly; declining views prompted regret over drama and gaming/travel plans.

Secrecy, mobility, and attention-seeking still compete with his desire for stable relationships and creative work.